fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
