im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
MIDGETS
????
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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