Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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