No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize