I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
