Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
