her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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