Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
