I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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