Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
