I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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