My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
