I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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