hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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