I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
