hotel room ftw
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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