Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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