You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
