just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
