Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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