I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
