Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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