Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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