New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize