Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
