I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm both gender and math confused
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
