Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
