Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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