What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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