He disabled his match.com account in front of me
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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