at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
