I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
