I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
