Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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