Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
it's like heaven, but drunker
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
