Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
