i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
