Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
