The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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