Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
