im having a threesome with these popsicles
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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