God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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