So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
