Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
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