I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
