someone get that fucking seahorse.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
