My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The uberlube is also flammable
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
