matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
