the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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