i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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