What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
