hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
