It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
They took my balls.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
