New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
