you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
