Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
sarcasm needs its own font
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
